Instead
by lookingforthestars
Summary: Some possibilities are too painful to face.


**I thought I would be less depressed by now, but I think I'm actually getting more depressed. Maybe it's just sinking in? I honestly can't even watch the show right now. Hopefully one day I'll be able to again, but at the moment the disappointment is just too fresh.**

 **Luckily for you (I guess?) the sadder I am about Scorpion, the fluffier my fics are probably going to be. Enjoy.**

It was time.

It was probably long past time, if he was being honest. It was probably time when the garage stopped feeling like home. When he made excuses to spend as much time as possible outside its walls, grudgingly conceding to four hours of sleep a night there. Sometimes the bed felt too unwelcome and he took the couch or the Airstream. Not that those didn't carry their own painful memories.

He hoped the next occupants of the garage would be better. Change the world and build the lasting family he couldn't. Make memories that wouldn't hurt to look back on.

Walter shook his head. God, when had he become so sentimental? There was a time the garage was concrete and metal, nothing more. Then he'd made the life-altering mistake of developing emotions and sharing them with other people. What a failed experiment that turned out to be.

Maybe it had been worth it, if only for a brief period. It was hard to know now. He hadn't gotten a lot of clarity in the past few years, no matter how much he tried to make sense of that night.

When he crossed paths with the geniuses, at lectures or museums or the arboretum, he couldn't believe they'd ever been close. Those memories seemed so distant, like from another life. He wasn't even sure Sylvester had stayed in contact with Happy and Toby after the demise of Centipede. He never asked. Their personal lives were no longer his concern.

Cabe had stuck around for a bit, at least, before he retired and decided to travel with Allie. That was the final straw, in hindsight. The moment the garage became too quiet to stay.

Scorpion was never meant to be one person. Walter opted to make a graceful exit and shutter the company, falling back on his computer science skills. His new job was…fine. It wasn't the same, but nothing ever would be. Pining for the past was a fruitless endeavor.

He should know. He'd done enough of it.

Marrying another man and moving across the country couldn't have been a much clearer signal. Any hope he'd harbored of winning her back died when he saw her picture. Saw her smile. Whatever thin cord still connected him to Ralph snapped that day, too. The young genius and his mother had a better life waiting for them in New York. Better than anything he could offer them.

Walter clicked his pen, signing the final dotted line. Giving up the last tangible thing from that brief, disastrous, and perfect part of his life.

* * *

"Walter. _Walter._ "

His eyes slid open, instantly locking onto her concerned ones. Paige sat up, rubbing his arm with one hand as the other brushed through his hair. "What?"

"You looked agitated. I was worried you might be having a nightmare. A-About Baghdad, or…"

She trailed off, waiting for his response, and Walter winced as the very real pain of his dream washed over him again. He propped himself up against the pillows, taking one of her hands and drawing it into his lap. He'd never been able to gain so much comfort from such a small gesture. "I'm okay. I had an…an u-unpleasant dream. But it wasn't about that."

Paige nodded understandingly. "Megan?"

He exhaled, tipping his head against the wall. He could easily agree and end the conversation, but things were supposed to be different this time. They'd promised each other open and honest communication and breaking that promise, even for something small, would take them right back to where they'd been before. "No," he admitted, grateful when Paige's only response was to squeeze his hand. It still took him longer than he would like to put his thoughts into words, and she'd been showing him much more patience lately. "I-I dreamed that…I lost you. You and Ralph and the team, Scorpion…all of it." He found himself gripping her too tightly, and he looked over at her, calmed by the kindness in her eyes. "For good. Y-You were…you were married. Even Cabe was gone. So I sold the garage and walked away from everything."

Paige sighed, her warm fingers coming up to rub his cheek. "Let me guess. Hit too close to home?"

"Yeah." He let his eyes fall closed again as he relaxed into her touch. "I know it wasn't real. But it could have been."

"I know. I think about it too. An alternate universe where we…where I was too proud to fix things." She dropped her hand to his chest, his heart beating a little faster underneath her palm. "But it never would have happened. The team has been through so much and they've always pushed through. What we have is too special to give up on. We'll always come back together." Paige smiled affectionately, her cheeks growing slightly more flushed. "As for you and me…I don't want that future with anyone else, Walter."

Heat flooded his own face as her words sunk in. "So you…you've thought about us…?"

"Of course I have. When things were good between us, I thought about it a lot." She bit her lip, curling her fingers into his undershirt, and he watched her with rapt attention, his breath lodged uncomfortably in his throat. "We've got a lot to work out before we get to that point again, but someday we will. I know we will."

They hadn't talked about marriage. Not directly, anyway. Before her, he wouldn't have even considered the concept. But seeing her married to someone else—even in his subconscious—made him sure that he'd never wanted anything more.

Paige smiled against his lips as he kissed her hard, reciprocating with equal intensity as they fell back into bed.


End file.
